Balance

Balance has never exactly been my forte.

Let me paint you a picture.

Think about what it would feel like to have a desk that’s covered with notes. Not just post-its, but some long notes, some scraps of paper, some clippings from goodness knows where. This is my desk and in essence, my life.

I consider myself to be a person of ambition, often biting off more than I can chew in an attempt to find purpose. I try new things, I eagerly attempt new projects, and I usually overextend myself, causing the professional to bleed into the personal and my life outside of my nine to five to be incredibly chaotic.

This lifestyle has worked for me for quite some time. Maybe even since high school if I think back far enough. Being on the move was always a good thing. I associated it with success. It came as natural as breathing.

But it isn’t sustainable.

I know that I won’t be able to go 900 miles per hour every day for the rest of my life, no matter how hard I may try. I’ve made lists with pros and cons columns, dwelled over my own poor time management, and made excuses for why I continue to punish myself by taking too much. It was EASY.

But if I’ve learned anything in the past 365 days, it’s that time is not an infinite resource. It is fleeting and limited. You borrow it, you spend it, and sometimes, it slips away from you. And you can do absolutely NOTHING about that.

But what you can do is be more cautious of how you spend it.

I got thinking about the way I spend my time and to be honest, I wasn’t happy with it. Let’s break down an average day:

• 1 hour getting ready for work/checking email/giving the cat a belly rub
• 35-45 minutes commuting to work
• 8-8.5 hours of work
• 35-45 minutes commuting home
• 30-40 minutes of cooking dinner, fending for noms, or ordering/picking up takeout
• 1-2 hours of eating dinner, watching something on Netflix with Brent
• 1-3 hours fiddling with the computer, either working on something for a side project or for my day job, or generally wasting time
• Occasionally, 1 hour of reading, blogs or books
• Occasionally, 1 to 1.5 hours spent at the gym
• 6.5 to 7 hours of sleep

I’m not liking the way I’m spending the 24 hours I’m given in a day. Something has to change. Something needs to shift.

Blogging started as a process of online journaling. In many ways, that has not changed. Even for me, my blog becomes my sounding board and thought locker, usually opened up to a page of self-reflection or a moment of introspection. But for awhile, I’ve become frustrated with it. I’m so used to blogging with a purpose on other blogs, but here, it’s rambling aimlessness that people enjoy reading but I never quite feel offers value. I want this to be a place of my own for me to share something that actually MEANS something, even if it’s just a peek at what I’m doing to regain balance.

So I’m going to try it. I’m going to try blogging about balance for awhile and the little things I do to try to give myself more time, more enjoyment, and what everyone else is always craving: more happy.

I hope you’ll keep reading. Even if you don’t, that’s okay. This might not be for everyone.

But it will be just for me.